Protected: Memories

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Protected: Why do I even fucking bother when you don’t even give a damn.

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Shout out

I will react with zero tolerance when I receive zero.

If you don’t follow up, its your problem.

If you don’t appreciate me, it’s your problem.

If you don’t commit to me, it’s your problem.

If you don’t like my humour, I will look for someone who does.

I will stop trying to change myself, I will change my direction.

I will do what I want, wear what I want, go where I want and carry on shouting out loud, I will be MYSELF.

Enlightened

I don’t need to change who I am to make that dream come true.  I just gotta make sure I do it and not keep pushing it away under the pretext that I am not ready for it.

I grew up believing my emotions rule me.  When I feel down, I let my emotions drag me down with it and I just had one of my life’s dullest moment.  Down and out for almost a week.  But now I am enlightened and energised.

I only realized it today that things shouldn’t have been the way it is or rather I shouldn’t let my emotions get me down.  I can choose what I think, and what I choose to think leads to how I feel and what I do.  I can change what I feel and do by changing what I think.  When I think differently, I feel different.  When I feel different, I act different.

Protected: Wonderland or Wanderland, Life is a great deal of shit.

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Path to Discovery

I am learning new things with each passing day, sometimes nothing in a day, at times whole load of things till I cannot grasp, but have to try and leave it till a later stage.

There are issues that I have resolved, issues that I have learnt to face, nagging issues that bugs me at the back of my mind, issues that I turn a deaf ear to, even though I realize that it will come back one day and haunt me, issues that no matter how hard I try, it is still useless and I just have to let it be.

I know very well what I am made of and who I am, I know I am strong when I want to be and I do admit that at times, I let my heart rule over my brains, rendering me helpless.  Sometimes I am able to snap out of it, sometimes it drags me down when my heart softens. 

I am a human not a man machine, I have feelings and deep thoughts, and sometimes I get into a stage of self denial.  I am not programmed like a machine, made to do the bidding of others.  Even a machine throws its tantrums at times when it is made to do things beyond its limitations.  Me, I am just a human trying to overcome and negotiate the obstacles in life, giving it my best shot.

I am working towards being myself, living for myself, not the life of others or how others want me to be living my life.  Live life the way I want it to be, letting my true self surface.

The Bitch in me is unleashed.

The bitch in me, that I have surpressed in me all this time, has been unleashed.  Had enough of shit coming my way, I have lost my patience and tolerance, after the constant provocations.  I hate to be controlled, cuz I love my freedom.   I hate negative traits.

I am gonna live my life the way I want to live it.  Love me for what I am, not what you expect me or want me to be, cuz that is not me.   I have my own trail of thoughts and I do things the way I deem fit.   Stay away and far from me, if it bothers you so, cuz it only mean that we have great difference and things are just not gonna work out, no matter how much effort is put into it.  I am feeling totally burnt out trying to make things work and I am giving it all up now.

Feel hurt by me, I can only apologise, its best to stay away cuz this is how I am, I am gonna get pretty nasty and even more difficult to understand or fathom, now that I have decided to carry on being nice no more.